sexta-feira, 17 de janeiro de 2014
Finding LoVe! :) (:
Hello, 2014!!
It's been a while since I last wrote!So many transformation happened, so many things I've learned...
I started opening up after a break up with a boyfriend I had!
It made me get closer to myself, and really look at wrong things I was telling myself abut... ME! I was putting me down, and seeing me as much less that I trully am... Therefore... I attracted someone who would just reinforce this belief I had.
So much I learned in this process... But specially , I learned to love exactly who I am. I figured out that all have been hidding my true self for years, because somehow I learned bad labels about those traits.
I have always been a person who wanted to come from the heart, but I was TOTALLY SCARED about doing it. I easily sense when people are wearing a mask while communicating.It's not their fault.. Somehow we are taught that the most beautiful part of us which is giving and receiving love is... HARMFUL!. It might sound crazy, but yes, this crazy belief is out there all the time. There is this crazy idea that showing love is a synonym of weakness, and this is why people normally wear masks... Honestly, what I found o
ut is that we all are CRAZY about hugging someone, giving/receiving love, making connections, speaking from the heart and with the heart of others. BUT we cover this need of us, and even label it as something ridiculous, being "too needy", weakness... The people who behave as if they didn't care about it are those who are seen as strong. They are seen as positive. Then we buy the idea, and even convince ourselves that we are weaks if we show those kind of affection.
In practice, this is very wrong. Human connection can only exist where there is real feelings happening. Where there is comprehension, affection and the expressions of love there.
It is not silly: We are very capable of loving people - if we allow us to do it.
What happens when we don't accept this human vulnerability in us, and let our ego tell us that we should NEEEVER be in touch with it because this is weakness, is that we will attract a person that has the same buffer around their hearts.
Be them friends or valentines, or whatever... because our subconscious mind will search to what feels safe to it: so if it is not trained to be comfortable being vulnerable to LOVE, it will feel scared of opening up,and consider to be "weird" those people who like doing it.
As long as we don't change this automatic belief, we might consciously think that we want to have a boyfriend, but unconsciously feel like being loved and loving is waaay to vulnerable and unsafe.
So... I am happy that my deep desire of loving and being loved was always right, and even more happy to know that those beliefs that were telling me that this deep desire was too scary... were just silly beliefs.
I wish from my heart that my ex can open up to himself and look close to what he needs to remove in order to be comfortable being vulnerable to love. I send him love and compassion. He really needs it, and to all the people in his situation - the one I also was before... A condition of blocking love, of hiding from it with every possible excuse ! A condition of thinking "Oh, I can not show my feelingS!" OR "Oh...Im happy alone. relationships will always fail" or even "I am focused in my carreer.. there is no space for someone" or "I am ashamed of showing some parts of mine... until I have them solved, no one will ever love me." or "I am afraid of getting hurt"
Well... ever excuse is there when we don't trully believe love is possible. When two people change those beliefs, they are no longer driven by them and will just relax and smile to welcome this beautiful person that is meant to be their soulmate!
It's been a while since I last wrote!So many transformation happened, so many things I've learned...
I started opening up after a break up with a boyfriend I had!
It made me get closer to myself, and really look at wrong things I was telling myself abut... ME! I was putting me down, and seeing me as much less that I trully am... Therefore... I attracted someone who would just reinforce this belief I had.
So much I learned in this process... But specially , I learned to love exactly who I am. I figured out that all have been hidding my true self for years, because somehow I learned bad labels about those traits.
I have always been a person who wanted to come from the heart, but I was TOTALLY SCARED about doing it. I easily sense when people are wearing a mask while communicating.It's not their fault.. Somehow we are taught that the most beautiful part of us which is giving and receiving love is... HARMFUL!. It might sound crazy, but yes, this crazy belief is out there all the time. There is this crazy idea that showing love is a synonym of weakness, and this is why people normally wear masks... Honestly, what I found o
ut is that we all are CRAZY about hugging someone, giving/receiving love, making connections, speaking from the heart and with the heart of others. BUT we cover this need of us, and even label it as something ridiculous, being "too needy", weakness... The people who behave as if they didn't care about it are those who are seen as strong. They are seen as positive. Then we buy the idea, and even convince ourselves that we are weaks if we show those kind of affection.
In practice, this is very wrong. Human connection can only exist where there is real feelings happening. Where there is comprehension, affection and the expressions of love there.
It is not silly: We are very capable of loving people - if we allow us to do it.
What happens when we don't accept this human vulnerability in us, and let our ego tell us that we should NEEEVER be in touch with it because this is weakness, is that we will attract a person that has the same buffer around their hearts.
Be them friends or valentines, or whatever... because our subconscious mind will search to what feels safe to it: so if it is not trained to be comfortable being vulnerable to LOVE, it will feel scared of opening up,and consider to be "weird" those people who like doing it.
As long as we don't change this automatic belief, we might consciously think that we want to have a boyfriend, but unconsciously feel like being loved and loving is waaay to vulnerable and unsafe.
So... I am happy that my deep desire of loving and being loved was always right, and even more happy to know that those beliefs that were telling me that this deep desire was too scary... were just silly beliefs.
I wish from my heart that my ex can open up to himself and look close to what he needs to remove in order to be comfortable being vulnerable to love. I send him love and compassion. He really needs it, and to all the people in his situation - the one I also was before... A condition of blocking love, of hiding from it with every possible excuse ! A condition of thinking "Oh, I can not show my feelingS!" OR "Oh...Im happy alone. relationships will always fail" or even "I am focused in my carreer.. there is no space for someone" or "I am ashamed of showing some parts of mine... until I have them solved, no one will ever love me." or "I am afraid of getting hurt"
Well... ever excuse is there when we don't trully believe love is possible. When two people change those beliefs, they are no longer driven by them and will just relax and smile to welcome this beautiful person that is meant to be their soulmate!
quarta-feira, 11 de setembro de 2013
How stupid is it?
People LOVE trying to predict the future based on informations of the past. Then guess what? Future will only be a repetition of the past. It's like a dog chasing its own tail. But if they could be more humble and STOP trying to control every event based on they very LIMITED past experiences, and then surrender to NOT KNOWING, THEN their beliefs would be broken because they would let LIFE unfold and they would be surprised. When there is a CLEAR intention from the heart, and TRUST, trying to control the outcome is like controlling this NEW intention itself to happen! There is nothing in the past that would provide people a NEW , DIFFERENT experience! Surrender to accepting that the past is not working anymore is the key to experience all the magic in life...! - Thank you so much, Dr. Joe Dispenza!
Essa pessoa que quebra a minha cabeça...
Você veio quebrar a minha cabeça das formas mais deliciosas.
Eu aprendi que o certo seria esconder bem escondido tudo aquilo que eu sempre quis falar. Era proibído mostrar meu sentimento, e deixar claro as minhas vulnerabilidades. Eu aprendi assim mesmo! "Você tem que ser perfeita. E não sonhe muito alto! Sempre pense nas piores possibilidades possíveis, sabe, para não quebrar a cara...e talvez se permita viajar um pouquinho pelas possibilidades que você REALMENTE quer." . Mas você quebrou a minha cabeça com a sua habilidade de desmentir essas profecias. E você me mostra que quanto MAIS eu mostro esse lado todinho meu, que um dia foi chamado de fraco e proibido, mais você se aproxima de mim. Quanto mais eu danço na minha "esquisitisse", mais eu sou acolhida por você . E fica aquela pergunta: "Ué! Mas me disseram que isso te afugentaria! Você ficou?" E ele fica. E fica... e me traz forças pra dançar ainda mais. Pra brilhar a minha maluquice. E além de tudo... você se conecta com as minhas doideras, usa das minhas palavras para comunicar-se na mesma língua! Você é doido!
Tudo o que um dia foi proibido , com você é poesia e paisagem.
E ser acolhida me quebra a cabeça e me faz transformar. Me faz ver o quanto errei por me culpar por ser diferente e ter bloqueado a minha estrela de brilhar. Você adora o meu brilho com um sorriso.Você me convida a brilhar da forma mais pura e autêntica, de um jeito que eu sempre quis... e me encoraja a desafiar os panacas que criaram regras para sufocar a minha beleza. Eu aprendo todos os dias a crescer porque desmentir as profecias revela o que eu sempre tive. E como você é bom em quebrar a minha cabeça! Eu te vejo como um mago com um super poder de quebrar maldições...
E quanto mais maldições derretidas, menos camadas tapando meu coração que se entrega. O coração é tão sábio... ele já sabe o que quer. Já sabia desde o princípio. Desde a primeira vez que eu ouvi ele pulsando e me dizendo: "Fala com ele. abre o jogo"... Eu falei. minha mente opressora quis me proibir diversas vezes. A mente coitada, que aprendeu tudo errado. Mas meu coração GRITOU, falou altíssimo e não deixou a mente tomar as rédeas dessa vez. E meu coração estava CERTO... Funcionou.
Minha cabeça meio cética se pergunta: "Será que isso seria capaz de acontecer com QUALQUER pessoa que eu me interessasse? Ou seria somente com ELE?"
Eu não sei. Mas ser tão DESPIDA com alguém é a primeira vez. E quanto mais transparência: maior a conexão. E meu danado coração nunca me deixou afastar de vez dessa linda pessoa. NUNCA me deixava. É como se soubesse , é como se me guiasse de alguma forma. E coisas malucas acontecem todos os dias, quase que pra me convencer de que o meu coração sabe BEM MAIS do que esse monte de aprendizado mental que só me levava a ser triste. E agora que eu acredito nesse meu valioso coração, eu não me limito mais de sonhar. A minha mente já não vai mais me sabotar de criar a realidade que eu bem entender. Hoje eu me pergunto qual era a graça de viver me limitando? Como pude acreditar em tanta FÓRMULA para a infelicidade? Todas são ridícula quando se tem um coração pulsante, jovial e alegre. E esse é o meu guia... E VOCÊ... sabe muito bem como compartilhar comigo o caminho certo para mantê-lo saudável!
Eu aprendi que o certo seria esconder bem escondido tudo aquilo que eu sempre quis falar. Era proibído mostrar meu sentimento, e deixar claro as minhas vulnerabilidades. Eu aprendi assim mesmo! "Você tem que ser perfeita. E não sonhe muito alto! Sempre pense nas piores possibilidades possíveis, sabe, para não quebrar a cara...e talvez se permita viajar um pouquinho pelas possibilidades que você REALMENTE quer." . Mas você quebrou a minha cabeça com a sua habilidade de desmentir essas profecias. E você me mostra que quanto MAIS eu mostro esse lado todinho meu, que um dia foi chamado de fraco e proibido, mais você se aproxima de mim. Quanto mais eu danço na minha "esquisitisse", mais eu sou acolhida por você . E fica aquela pergunta: "Ué! Mas me disseram que isso te afugentaria! Você ficou?" E ele fica. E fica... e me traz forças pra dançar ainda mais. Pra brilhar a minha maluquice. E além de tudo... você se conecta com as minhas doideras, usa das minhas palavras para comunicar-se na mesma língua! Você é doido!
Tudo o que um dia foi proibido , com você é poesia e paisagem.
E ser acolhida me quebra a cabeça e me faz transformar. Me faz ver o quanto errei por me culpar por ser diferente e ter bloqueado a minha estrela de brilhar. Você adora o meu brilho com um sorriso.Você me convida a brilhar da forma mais pura e autêntica, de um jeito que eu sempre quis... e me encoraja a desafiar os panacas que criaram regras para sufocar a minha beleza. Eu aprendo todos os dias a crescer porque desmentir as profecias revela o que eu sempre tive. E como você é bom em quebrar a minha cabeça! Eu te vejo como um mago com um super poder de quebrar maldições...
E quanto mais maldições derretidas, menos camadas tapando meu coração que se entrega. O coração é tão sábio... ele já sabe o que quer. Já sabia desde o princípio. Desde a primeira vez que eu ouvi ele pulsando e me dizendo: "Fala com ele. abre o jogo"... Eu falei. minha mente opressora quis me proibir diversas vezes. A mente coitada, que aprendeu tudo errado. Mas meu coração GRITOU, falou altíssimo e não deixou a mente tomar as rédeas dessa vez. E meu coração estava CERTO... Funcionou.
Minha cabeça meio cética se pergunta: "Será que isso seria capaz de acontecer com QUALQUER pessoa que eu me interessasse? Ou seria somente com ELE?"
Eu não sei. Mas ser tão DESPIDA com alguém é a primeira vez. E quanto mais transparência: maior a conexão. E meu danado coração nunca me deixou afastar de vez dessa linda pessoa. NUNCA me deixava. É como se soubesse , é como se me guiasse de alguma forma. E coisas malucas acontecem todos os dias, quase que pra me convencer de que o meu coração sabe BEM MAIS do que esse monte de aprendizado mental que só me levava a ser triste. E agora que eu acredito nesse meu valioso coração, eu não me limito mais de sonhar. A minha mente já não vai mais me sabotar de criar a realidade que eu bem entender. Hoje eu me pergunto qual era a graça de viver me limitando? Como pude acreditar em tanta FÓRMULA para a infelicidade? Todas são ridícula quando se tem um coração pulsante, jovial e alegre. E esse é o meu guia... E VOCÊ... sabe muito bem como compartilhar comigo o caminho certo para mantê-lo saudável!
quinta-feira, 29 de agosto de 2013
Desvendando ! Tirando as vendas mêixmo!
Eu não estou tentando ser dramática, mas é fato que algumas coisas (ruins) que nos acontece na infância tem o poder de moldar o adulto que somos. Esse tema é normalmente associado a crianças que sofrem abuso sexual,ou que são espancadas.Estes são casos extremos e que realmente causam dano, mas eu tenho certeza que casos menos extremos também causam. Aliás, julgá-los como insignificantes pode nos fazer perder muita coisa importante... Do contrário eu não estaria no meu caminho de transformação (que é basicamente entender idéias erradas que moldaram a minha atual realidade e transformá-las).
Pode soar dramático para muitas pessoas que cresceram como eu, achando que fazer esse trabalho interno é besteira. Eu já fui assim, mas alguma coisa mais forte me puxou para não continuar assim... e eu prefiro assim, porque agora algumas mágicas ficam acontecendo... e jamais estariam se eu continuasse a negar a escuridão dentro de mim!
Bom.... a minha meditação de ontem foi sobre ESTABILIDADE.Eu normalmente acordo pela manhã e vou caminhar, porque a caminhada me coloca num estado de equilibrio, e organiza meus pensamentos trazendo insights lindos que eu vou deixando fluir ...
Hoje é até engraçado pensar em como eu tentei negar esses insights porque eu pensava que eles eram ERRADOS.... ou sinal de fraqueza.
Eu tive alguns episódios na minha infância que BEM frequentemente me visitam a mente em certas situações.
Normalmente os 3 mesmos episódios. Um deles, é o de uma professora me chingando.Eu tinha esse amigo (que era provavelmente 5 ou 6 anos mais velho que eu),que me carregava no ombro "para cima e para baixo",jogava jogos de tabuleiro comigo ou volêi... e eu me lembro claramente de uma professora dizendo: "Como você consegue gostar dessa menina idiota? Ela é feia e ridícula." (ééé,pros uberabenses lendo, isso aconteceu no J.C.,com ESTAS palavras.Eu honestamente me lembro que eu nunca fiz nada para ela,porque eu era uma menina bem doce e educada,e que tinha respeito pelos professores.Hoje eu me pergunto: como PODE um professor fazer isso?
Outra imagem muito clara foi a de uma professora (no mesmo colégio),me dizendo que meu desenho estava horrível , e me tirou do grupo de amigos com quem eu desenhava, me pegando pelo braço e dizendo que eu era teimosa porque desenhei uma árvore colorida. Hoje eu me pergunto: Eu estava MESMO sendo teimosa?Mas eu não consigo ver nenhum sinal de teimosia porque eu lembro meus sentimentos pelo meu desenho: Meu coração fico quentinho de felicidade e orgulho da árvore colorida e com um sorriso que eu inventei no tronco.Fui acusada de ser teimosa por estar feliz e fluindo.
Eu estudei nesse colégio onde treinavam as pessoas a acreditar em idiotices nada a ver com a realidade como: ser arrogante,dinheiro te faz superior e mais delicado ainda: Receber amor é muito difícil. Você só pode ser amado se for "isso ou aquilo".Existe um ESFORÇO muiiiito grande que você precisa fazer para ser amado. E o pior de tudo é que esse esforço destrói totalmente o que você realmente é. É tipo um elefante tentando vestir a calça jeans de uma girafa! Mas enquanto criança, você começa a acreditar que aquelas coisas são reais... você é muiiito inocente... tudo o que você tem é pureza e amor para oferecer,então vocÊ espera o mesmo de adultos e outras crianças.
Como eu estou agora tão mais consciente dos meus pensamentos, foi impossível deixar de notar o quão frequente esses pensamentos saltam sobre a tela da minha mente.Eles estão com certeza conectados com o meu medo de rejeição.Do verdadeiro EU ser rejeitado (aquele que desenha arvores coloridas com rostos felizes no tronco).Enfim, mas a coisa fica tão estranha que hoje em dia, as vezes até quando as pessoas estão me DANDO amor, o pensamento pula na minha frente automaticamente e me diz que não mereço o amor. E me diz com falsa certeza que em algum determinado momento as pessoas vão embora porque quem eu sou de fato é alguém horrivel!
Bom! O insight foi concluído depois de uma aula de canto muito demais com um professor mais que demais, e porque me deu um desejo doido de ouvir música folk...que me fez encontrar no youtube uma menina que me tocou muiiito. (Eu sou assim mesmo, acho respostas em áreas nada a ver com o que tava rolando... se bem que acredito que há sim uma conexão....)
É bom ouvir o que esses trauminhas estão querendo nos dizer.Eu falo sobre a mensagem VERDADEIRA e não a FALSA que nos confunde e nos faz acreditar que somos algo que NÃO somos. Nós somos amor puro! nós somos os nossos corações.O caminho REAL nos leva para coisas boas sempre, e se realmente ouvirmos, ele nunca está errado. Ele pode PARECER errado quando a gente continua a ler ele com as lentes distorcidas (as envenenadas que PARECEM reais). É bom se render ao que traz essa sensação quentinha no coração e não para aquilo que dá a sensação de gastar energias demais do nosso corpo e mente.
Enfim! Eu espero que isso possa ajudar alguém!!!
Pode soar dramático para muitas pessoas que cresceram como eu, achando que fazer esse trabalho interno é besteira. Eu já fui assim, mas alguma coisa mais forte me puxou para não continuar assim... e eu prefiro assim, porque agora algumas mágicas ficam acontecendo... e jamais estariam se eu continuasse a negar a escuridão dentro de mim!
Bom.... a minha meditação de ontem foi sobre ESTABILIDADE.Eu normalmente acordo pela manhã e vou caminhar, porque a caminhada me coloca num estado de equilibrio, e organiza meus pensamentos trazendo insights lindos que eu vou deixando fluir ...
Hoje é até engraçado pensar em como eu tentei negar esses insights porque eu pensava que eles eram ERRADOS.... ou sinal de fraqueza.
Eu tive alguns episódios na minha infância que BEM frequentemente me visitam a mente em certas situações.
Normalmente os 3 mesmos episódios. Um deles, é o de uma professora me chingando.Eu tinha esse amigo (que era provavelmente 5 ou 6 anos mais velho que eu),que me carregava no ombro "para cima e para baixo",jogava jogos de tabuleiro comigo ou volêi... e eu me lembro claramente de uma professora dizendo: "Como você consegue gostar dessa menina idiota? Ela é feia e ridícula." (ééé,pros uberabenses lendo, isso aconteceu no J.C.,com ESTAS palavras.Eu honestamente me lembro que eu nunca fiz nada para ela,porque eu era uma menina bem doce e educada,e que tinha respeito pelos professores.Hoje eu me pergunto: como PODE um professor fazer isso?
Outra imagem muito clara foi a de uma professora (no mesmo colégio),me dizendo que meu desenho estava horrível , e me tirou do grupo de amigos com quem eu desenhava, me pegando pelo braço e dizendo que eu era teimosa porque desenhei uma árvore colorida. Hoje eu me pergunto: Eu estava MESMO sendo teimosa?Mas eu não consigo ver nenhum sinal de teimosia porque eu lembro meus sentimentos pelo meu desenho: Meu coração fico quentinho de felicidade e orgulho da árvore colorida e com um sorriso que eu inventei no tronco.Fui acusada de ser teimosa por estar feliz e fluindo.
Eu estudei nesse colégio onde treinavam as pessoas a acreditar em idiotices nada a ver com a realidade como: ser arrogante,dinheiro te faz superior e mais delicado ainda: Receber amor é muito difícil. Você só pode ser amado se for "isso ou aquilo".Existe um ESFORÇO muiiiito grande que você precisa fazer para ser amado. E o pior de tudo é que esse esforço destrói totalmente o que você realmente é. É tipo um elefante tentando vestir a calça jeans de uma girafa! Mas enquanto criança, você começa a acreditar que aquelas coisas são reais... você é muiiito inocente... tudo o que você tem é pureza e amor para oferecer,então vocÊ espera o mesmo de adultos e outras crianças.
Como eu estou agora tão mais consciente dos meus pensamentos, foi impossível deixar de notar o quão frequente esses pensamentos saltam sobre a tela da minha mente.Eles estão com certeza conectados com o meu medo de rejeição.Do verdadeiro EU ser rejeitado (aquele que desenha arvores coloridas com rostos felizes no tronco).Enfim, mas a coisa fica tão estranha que hoje em dia, as vezes até quando as pessoas estão me DANDO amor, o pensamento pula na minha frente automaticamente e me diz que não mereço o amor. E me diz com falsa certeza que em algum determinado momento as pessoas vão embora porque quem eu sou de fato é alguém horrivel!
Bom! O insight foi concluído depois de uma aula de canto muito demais com um professor mais que demais, e porque me deu um desejo doido de ouvir música folk...que me fez encontrar no youtube uma menina que me tocou muiiito. (Eu sou assim mesmo, acho respostas em áreas nada a ver com o que tava rolando... se bem que acredito que há sim uma conexão....)
É bom ouvir o que esses trauminhas estão querendo nos dizer.Eu falo sobre a mensagem VERDADEIRA e não a FALSA que nos confunde e nos faz acreditar que somos algo que NÃO somos. Nós somos amor puro! nós somos os nossos corações.O caminho REAL nos leva para coisas boas sempre, e se realmente ouvirmos, ele nunca está errado. Ele pode PARECER errado quando a gente continua a ler ele com as lentes distorcidas (as envenenadas que PARECEM reais). É bom se render ao que traz essa sensação quentinha no coração e não para aquilo que dá a sensação de gastar energias demais do nosso corpo e mente.
Enfim! Eu espero que isso possa ajudar alguém!!!
unravelling
I'm not trying to be dramatic here, but it is a fact that some (bad)things that happens in our childhood can really shape who we are as adults. I know people often relate this topic to children who suffered from being raped,or terribly beaten... Those are extreme cases. But we should not think that the less extremes don't cause any damage. I have just had this insight about my personal life that YES it does cause damage. Otherwise I wouldn't be now in my path of transformation (which is basically understanding the wrong ideas that are so rooted in my mind,and shaping a new reality).
It might yes sound dramatic to many people that were probably raised like me, and just think it is bulshit to do this inner work. I have been there, but something stronger didn't let me stay there. And I prefer this way because little magics are happening... which could never happen if I would still be that one who didn't want to look in this dark areas.
Well...my meditation of yesterday was about stability. I normally wake up in the morning and always go for a walk. The walks always put me into balance as they are filled with beautiful insights that I just allow to flow.
So funny to think about how much I denied those insights for so long... I thought they were wrong... or weak.
I had some episodes in my childhood that often times would pop up in my mind when I am in certain situations. normally the 3 same. One is a teacher cursing at me. There was this good friend I had, which was probably 5 or 6 years older than me, and he would carry me around in his shoulders, play board games, or voleyball and I have a clear image of this teacher telling him "how can you like this stupid girl? She is ugly and ridiculous!". And I honestly remember I never did anything to her,as I was always that very polite sweet little girl that had respect for teachers.Now I ask myself HOW COME can a teacher do it?
Another VERY VIVID image that pops up often times is one of my OTHER teacher saying that my drawing was terribly bad, and then she removed me from a group of friends because of it, saying that I was stubborn because I drew a colourful tree. Thinking about it NOW, I ask myself: Was I really stubborn? But then I don't see any signs of it, as I CLEARLY remember my feelings for my drawing: My heart was warm and proud of the colourful leaves, and the face I drew in the tree trunk. I was accused to be stubborn,(and forbidden to be in a group of children) when I was so happy and flowing!
I studied in what we call in Brazil a "patricinha's or mauricinho's" school. This means that people's mind are trained to be arrogant, believe that money makes them superior, but most importantly,there is a DEEP message which is: Receiving love is too far away. You can only have it if you are THIS OR THAT. There is a HUGE effort you have to do to be LOVED. The very bad thing is that THIS effort is something that totally destroys who you REALLY are! It's like an elephant trying to wear those jeans that only a giraffe can put on. But as a child you start beliving that those things are true... you are so naive... and all you have is purity and love to offer, so you EXPECT the same from adults and other children.
As I am now so aware of my thoughts, It was impossible not noticing how frequently these thoughts pop up...They are indeed related to my fear of rejection. The real me being rejected. Sometimes, even when people are giving me love, the automatic thoughts tell me otherwise. It tells me (almost like a prophecy)that at a certain point , people will go away and see the real me as something terrible.
Well! the insight was blurried but then totally concluded after the amazing singing lesson from this amazing coach which is now teaching me. Also because I had this little voice telling me "I miss listening to folk music" Then I found a girl on youtube which touched my soul with her songs!
It is good to look at what those little traumas are telling us. the REAL message and not the FAKE message that might confuse us and makes us believe we are something we are not. we ARE pure love. We are our hearts. The REAL path only leads us to good things, and if we listen to it, it is never wrong. It only sounds wrong if we are trying to read things with the distorted lenses (those poisoned ones which APPEAR to be right). it is good to surrender to what feels warm in our heart, and not to what feels like a struggle.
Anyway... I just hope it can help someone!
It might yes sound dramatic to many people that were probably raised like me, and just think it is bulshit to do this inner work. I have been there, but something stronger didn't let me stay there. And I prefer this way because little magics are happening... which could never happen if I would still be that one who didn't want to look in this dark areas.
Well...my meditation of yesterday was about stability. I normally wake up in the morning and always go for a walk. The walks always put me into balance as they are filled with beautiful insights that I just allow to flow.
So funny to think about how much I denied those insights for so long... I thought they were wrong... or weak.
I had some episodes in my childhood that often times would pop up in my mind when I am in certain situations. normally the 3 same. One is a teacher cursing at me. There was this good friend I had, which was probably 5 or 6 years older than me, and he would carry me around in his shoulders, play board games, or voleyball and I have a clear image of this teacher telling him "how can you like this stupid girl? She is ugly and ridiculous!". And I honestly remember I never did anything to her,as I was always that very polite sweet little girl that had respect for teachers.Now I ask myself HOW COME can a teacher do it?
Another VERY VIVID image that pops up often times is one of my OTHER teacher saying that my drawing was terribly bad, and then she removed me from a group of friends because of it, saying that I was stubborn because I drew a colourful tree. Thinking about it NOW, I ask myself: Was I really stubborn? But then I don't see any signs of it, as I CLEARLY remember my feelings for my drawing: My heart was warm and proud of the colourful leaves, and the face I drew in the tree trunk. I was accused to be stubborn,(and forbidden to be in a group of children) when I was so happy and flowing!
I studied in what we call in Brazil a "patricinha's or mauricinho's" school. This means that people's mind are trained to be arrogant, believe that money makes them superior, but most importantly,there is a DEEP message which is: Receiving love is too far away. You can only have it if you are THIS OR THAT. There is a HUGE effort you have to do to be LOVED. The very bad thing is that THIS effort is something that totally destroys who you REALLY are! It's like an elephant trying to wear those jeans that only a giraffe can put on. But as a child you start beliving that those things are true... you are so naive... and all you have is purity and love to offer, so you EXPECT the same from adults and other children.
As I am now so aware of my thoughts, It was impossible not noticing how frequently these thoughts pop up...They are indeed related to my fear of rejection. The real me being rejected. Sometimes, even when people are giving me love, the automatic thoughts tell me otherwise. It tells me (almost like a prophecy)that at a certain point , people will go away and see the real me as something terrible.
Well! the insight was blurried but then totally concluded after the amazing singing lesson from this amazing coach which is now teaching me. Also because I had this little voice telling me "I miss listening to folk music" Then I found a girl on youtube which touched my soul with her songs!
It is good to look at what those little traumas are telling us. the REAL message and not the FAKE message that might confuse us and makes us believe we are something we are not. we ARE pure love. We are our hearts. The REAL path only leads us to good things, and if we listen to it, it is never wrong. It only sounds wrong if we are trying to read things with the distorted lenses (those poisoned ones which APPEAR to be right). it is good to surrender to what feels warm in our heart, and not to what feels like a struggle.
Anyway... I just hope it can help someone!
sábado, 24 de agosto de 2013
Some of my crazy thoughts!!! ^^
It's been a while since I last wrote, because there are so many things happening in my life - since I started opening up - that I just got "lost" (in a positive way) on it.
Well, one thing that really has been helping me doing the things I want to do, is to imagine me as a body full of natural wisdom, and then I GIVE my body to the experience. I surrender to the experience. We indeed have natural wisdom that we block in time, and the magic happens when we unblock it...we allow it to flow.
We cram so much distorted thoughts in our mind, that when we want to learn something new , we go to that NEW experience with that OLD mindset! And this is when it will NEVER work! We have to be able to surrender to a new thing and forgive (and forget ) our temptation to "know it all! i'm mr right!" and REALLY NOT KNOW... in order to trully knoW!Listening with the heart is totally different than listening only to have the chance to vomit all our "super-knowledge" . We are not even listening when we do it! We are just in a monologue!
I have been developing a passion for the REAL listening. It makes me feel whole and connected, and the stories ALWAYS teach me something. ALWAYS. Sometimes, a story with only "Hi, good morning!" is already a huge conection and provide me smiles.
Our bodies have so many tools. Our bodies are amazing. Whenever my trained mind tells me (because it has rehearsed to do it SO WELL) that I CAN NOT DO something, i just repeat to myself: "I was born with a strong body. I have all the tools in me, and they are here to be USED". And notice: this is not something i'm saying just to create an ilusion to live. NO. this is the TRUTH. What is NOT true is unfortunatly, how MOST OFTHE PEOPLE forget about their bodies, and put their most amazing tools to sleep. That is when they stop believing in themselves... This is what is not TRUE!
The truth is that the world HAS LOVE - and people prefer the stupid way.
The truth is that our bodies ARE healthy, and has an incredible natural wisdom of digesting, breathing and everything we need to LIVE - and then people distort it all.
The truth is that much of what we learn is distorted from reality - and people unfortunatly, BELIEVE it.
Well, one thing that really has been helping me doing the things I want to do, is to imagine me as a body full of natural wisdom, and then I GIVE my body to the experience. I surrender to the experience. We indeed have natural wisdom that we block in time, and the magic happens when we unblock it...we allow it to flow.
We cram so much distorted thoughts in our mind, that when we want to learn something new , we go to that NEW experience with that OLD mindset! And this is when it will NEVER work! We have to be able to surrender to a new thing and forgive (and forget ) our temptation to "know it all! i'm mr right!" and REALLY NOT KNOW... in order to trully knoW!Listening with the heart is totally different than listening only to have the chance to vomit all our "super-knowledge" . We are not even listening when we do it! We are just in a monologue!
I have been developing a passion for the REAL listening. It makes me feel whole and connected, and the stories ALWAYS teach me something. ALWAYS. Sometimes, a story with only "Hi, good morning!" is already a huge conection and provide me smiles.
Our bodies have so many tools. Our bodies are amazing. Whenever my trained mind tells me (because it has rehearsed to do it SO WELL) that I CAN NOT DO something, i just repeat to myself: "I was born with a strong body. I have all the tools in me, and they are here to be USED". And notice: this is not something i'm saying just to create an ilusion to live. NO. this is the TRUTH. What is NOT true is unfortunatly, how MOST OFTHE PEOPLE forget about their bodies, and put their most amazing tools to sleep. That is when they stop believing in themselves... This is what is not TRUE!
The truth is that the world HAS LOVE - and people prefer the stupid way.
The truth is that our bodies ARE healthy, and has an incredible natural wisdom of digesting, breathing and everything we need to LIVE - and then people distort it all.
The truth is that much of what we learn is distorted from reality - and people unfortunatly, BELIEVE it.
sexta-feira, 26 de julho de 2013
sensations & experiences with the theatre course...
I had an idea of what it could be but turns out to be totally different than my expectations. I love it when our "intuitions" are wrong. I don't like "words" sometimes as way of explaning things, because they can blurry the real meaning. Intuition can be misunderstood, so i'm sorry if im distorting things here. But what I mean is that I love it when we are so sure about one thing and in reality that thing is completly different. It is amazing how we can have an idea of someone, of what this person thinks about us, and because we think that person dislike us, we behave in ways to express that belief. We feel uncomfortable with that person. This second week of intensive theatre course was like a mirror. All of my deepest fears and blocks were directly reflected to me, as if i was watching myself in the mirror. But watching myself through angles which I was totally closed to see.
Some spiritual practices could call it "liberating the demons" or even "spiritual awakening". Me and my group of theatre friends were actually teasing this feeling today.
Theatre can help someone transform into a better and stronger person. This is what I felt there. It might sound very crazy, but it is true.
I was so scared about being vulnerable. And theatre is also surrender. It's open up...show and speak about your vulnerabilities. I didn't really know how to do it. I had created an ilusion of perfection in my mind and that is why I hated myself so much! But this clothes I'd been wearing are now old and too small. They are not suiting me anymore. The urge to wear something new is strong and I'm embodying it. I was never able to connect with people because I could not be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a big source of true connection. It's directly linked to LOVE. Vulnerability allow people to COME to us. To LOVE us unconditionally. And that's when union happens...because love make us want to HELP. Make us see the beloved one evolving! It all came from a simple move of being vulnerable...honest... When we love, we see potentials in the beloved ones which they might be blind for. That unique beautiful thing they have. When we have those self-depracating beliefs, those who love us can really see how false they are.they can help us when we are vulnerable and tell them who we think we are. They can help us evolve... only if we are opened.
Crazy as it may sound, this is theatre to me. it is true partnership.touch.soul.body surrender. When we allow the beloved one to bright, then can we bright with them, with our unique genuine self. We can manifest real beauty... We can surrender to who we already are. Theatre is love. Love for ourselves, love for people, for our true human nature! for sure!
Crazy... but this is what I felt during this two very intensive weeks.
There were laughs...cry...fears... surrender... change of perception about people...about me! about life! about HOW TO COMUNICATE! about how to express myself(OMG, so much!).
We all told our stories and they are amazing. It doesnt matter how much we failed anymore. Life is learning. Life is love.
The few moments I could bring this honesty in being myself and vulnerable to REAL LIFE, then I had beautiful and HONEST results.
I promise myself to be who I had been hidding! And this way, allow people who love me for the REAL MARI! I love to be imperfect and make mistakes! And theatre showed me I can be it SO MUCH!!! this is when we can really connect with people. being organic.. being humans!
Some spiritual practices could call it "liberating the demons" or even "spiritual awakening". Me and my group of theatre friends were actually teasing this feeling today.
Theatre can help someone transform into a better and stronger person. This is what I felt there. It might sound very crazy, but it is true.
I was so scared about being vulnerable. And theatre is also surrender. It's open up...show and speak about your vulnerabilities. I didn't really know how to do it. I had created an ilusion of perfection in my mind and that is why I hated myself so much! But this clothes I'd been wearing are now old and too small. They are not suiting me anymore. The urge to wear something new is strong and I'm embodying it. I was never able to connect with people because I could not be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a big source of true connection. It's directly linked to LOVE. Vulnerability allow people to COME to us. To LOVE us unconditionally. And that's when union happens...because love make us want to HELP. Make us see the beloved one evolving! It all came from a simple move of being vulnerable...honest... When we love, we see potentials in the beloved ones which they might be blind for. That unique beautiful thing they have. When we have those self-depracating beliefs, those who love us can really see how false they are.they can help us when we are vulnerable and tell them who we think we are. They can help us evolve... only if we are opened.
Crazy as it may sound, this is theatre to me. it is true partnership.touch.soul.body surrender. When we allow the beloved one to bright, then can we bright with them, with our unique genuine self. We can manifest real beauty... We can surrender to who we already are. Theatre is love. Love for ourselves, love for people, for our true human nature! for sure!
Crazy... but this is what I felt during this two very intensive weeks.
There were laughs...cry...fears... surrender... change of perception about people...about me! about life! about HOW TO COMUNICATE! about how to express myself(OMG, so much!).
We all told our stories and they are amazing. It doesnt matter how much we failed anymore. Life is learning. Life is love.
The few moments I could bring this honesty in being myself and vulnerable to REAL LIFE, then I had beautiful and HONEST results.
I promise myself to be who I had been hidding! And this way, allow people who love me for the REAL MARI! I love to be imperfect and make mistakes! And theatre showed me I can be it SO MUCH!!! this is when we can really connect with people. being organic.. being humans!
sexta-feira, 19 de julho de 2013
PARA OS HOMENSSSSS!! (e mulheres que queiram ler tbm, claro!!!!)
Homens, garotos, meninos: Hoje a minha reflexão do dia vai para vocês. Vocês são fantásticos, lindos, fofos. Eu já tive muito medo de vocês. A minha visão distorcida do universo masculino me fez muitas vezes agir de forma bem tosca em relação a vocês, homens! Mas como a curiosa, mente borbulhante que eu sempre fui, resolvi de brincadeira "explorar" o que rola nesse universo... alguma coisa no fundo do coração sempre acreditou que a natureza vive em paz e harmonia e equilibrio, e que se somos parte dela, saudável só pode ser quando vivemos nesse lugar de tranquilidade...a visão que eu tinha do universo masculino não me trazia essa paz... E eu fui fuçar, explorar, entender, perguntar , ler... e agora, mesmo que pouquiiiinhozinho por pouquinho eu tenho adorado conversar DE VERDADE, sem a interferência de lentes fora de foco ,com essas figuras lindas, que colorem o nosso mundo !!!
Homens: adoro ocêissss!!! cultivem esse lado que todos vocês tem de HARMONIA que faz de vocês uns fofinhos,bunitinhos, aaaao mesmo tempo sexy, gentleman, cavalheiros,cheirosos e perfumados no cangote, e com um sorriso dos mais irresistiveisSzXzszxSZxSzszz!!!!
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