sensations & experiences with the theatre course...

I had an idea of what it could be but turns out to be totally different than my expectations. I love it when our "intuitions" are wrong. I don't like "words" sometimes as way of explaning things, because they can blurry the real meaning. Intuition can be misunderstood, so i'm sorry if im distorting things here. But what I mean is that I love it when we are so sure about one thing and in reality that thing is completly different. It is amazing how we can have an idea of someone, of what this person thinks about us, and because we think that person dislike us, we behave in ways to express that belief. We feel uncomfortable with that person. This second week of intensive theatre course was like a mirror. All of my deepest fears and blocks were directly reflected to me, as if i was watching myself in the mirror. But watching myself through angles which I was totally closed to see.
Some spiritual practices could call it "liberating the demons" or even "spiritual awakening". Me and my group of theatre friends were actually teasing this feeling today.
Theatre can help someone transform into a better and stronger person. This is what I felt there. It might sound very crazy, but it is true.
I was so scared about being vulnerable. And theatre is also surrender. It's open up...show and speak about your vulnerabilities. I didn't really know how to do it. I had created an ilusion of perfection in my mind and that is why I hated myself so much! But this clothes I'd been wearing are now old and too small. They are not suiting me anymore.  The urge to wear something new is strong and I'm embodying it. I was never able to connect with people because I could not be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a big source of true connection. It's directly linked to LOVE. Vulnerability allow people to COME to us. To LOVE us unconditionally. And that's when union happens...because love make us want to HELP. Make us see the beloved one evolving! It all came from a simple move of being vulnerable...honest... When we love, we see potentials in the beloved ones which they might be blind for. That unique beautiful thing they have. When we have those self-depracating beliefs, those who love us can really see how false they are.they can help us when we are vulnerable and tell them who we think we are. They can help us evolve... only if we are opened.
Crazy as it may sound, this is theatre to me. it is true partnership.touch.soul.body surrender. When we allow the beloved one to bright, then can we bright with them, with our unique genuine self. We can manifest real beauty... We can surrender to who we already are.  Theatre is love. Love for ourselves, love for people, for our true human nature! for sure!
Crazy... but this is what I felt during this two very intensive weeks.
There were laughs...cry...fears... surrender... change of perception about people...about me! about life! about HOW TO COMUNICATE! about how to express myself(OMG, so much!).

We all told our stories and they are amazing.  It doesnt matter how much we failed anymore. Life is learning. Life is love.
The few moments I could bring this honesty in being myself and vulnerable to REAL LIFE, then I had beautiful and HONEST results.
I promise myself to be who I had been hidding! And this way, allow people who love me for the REAL MARI! I love to be imperfect and make mistakes! And theatre showed me I can be it SO MUCH!!! this is when we can really connect with people. being organic.. being humans!